Comments on: Would you read this book?!?

By: Brynn

Brynn — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:21:59 +0000

I’m not entirely sure why others aren’t liking it, the writing feels quite similar to that of the novels I’ve been reading. The prologue was very good, as short as the prologue should be in comparison to a normal chapter, and yet it still grabs your attention, as you have no idea what she is, who or what Lucas is, and what was on that cassette.

One point though, when she passed the county line, "a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself," This is fine if you’re foreshadowing that she’s going to die in this area over the county line, but if she isn’t, then the line is too extreme, and you might consider replacing it with, "for a moment, a chill went through me, starting at my center, and permeating my entire body,"

Of course, that is just a minor flaw.
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By: Babypants

Babypants — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:37:59 +0000

Read the whole thing. Pretty good. =) Put up some more sometime. Now I wanna know what she is. Haha. =)
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By: whatsianyway

whatsianyway — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:07:59 +0000

Probably not. You have some good points, but mostly your writing sounds forced, as if you’re copying specific styles and not succeeding too well.

But if this is your first attempt at writing, my advice is forget about if others will read it. Just write your book straight through, and even if you never fix it up, you’ll have learned something simply from the experience of writing. Also, you might want to try starting with short stories to experiment with style and tone before moving to harder, long-length books.
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By: amandapanda

amandapanda — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:45:59 +0000

I was interested. =D
what is she?
the prologue really grabbed my attention!
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By: peace. love. twilight <3

peace. love. twilight <3 — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:03:59 +0000

I like it ! It is interesting but add more details and i noticed some flaws . in the beginning you were using so much voacbulary but then you used reallly little words like BIG.
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By: bethany.marie

bethany.marie — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:58:59 +0000

I would totally read this!
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By: Alice Cullen

Alice Cullen — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:44:59 +0000

Probably not. I really tried to read it all but my mind wouldnt allow it so that tells me I would only be looking forward to the end. When its finally over. I know I sound harsh, but its how its going to be. Although it doesnt HAVE to be this way.
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By: Hanna.

Hanna. — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:03:59 +0000

I was bored after the first line.
Sorry.
Not my type of book.
Maybe take a few more risks with your writing in your writing style.
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