PREFACE-
“Sorry I’m la-“ a pistol was pointed straight at my face as I entered the crowded class room.
“Stay away from our son!” Mr. Holcomb shielded Daniel from my puzzled gaze.
“What’s going on?” I stared pleadingly at my classmates for answers, only receiving shameful gazes and fallen heads.
“We know what you are, Riley Anne. All of us do, and we want you to leave,” Daniel’s mother clutched her son without looking at me.
“Wha- What do you mean?” my stomach shriveled up to the size of a quarter and my knees buckled.
“A monster. A Dreameater,” Mrs. Holcomb pulled an old video cassette from her jacket pocket and released Daniel, slowly trudging towards the TV. On the screen, an image flickered. The video of our experiment with the professor in his office flashed across the ancient glass. It looked terrible.
“Who the hell gave you this!?” I slammed my hand on the desk, denting it’s hard black surface. Rasha slithered out of my bag and hovered silently, only inches from my head.
“We have a reliable source,” my teacher, Mr. Underwood, pulled the tape from the TV.
Chapter 1 – Party
It rained the whole car ride to Aunt Kathryn’s house. Everything about the cold, dark sky reminded me of my Aunt’s cold, dark glances. I didn’t know why I had been invited. Perhaps Aunt Kathryn needed to perfect her biting wit or had grown bored insulting the neighbors in muttered undertones behind a false smile and lukewarm tea. If not for Daniel, who slept restlessly in the passenger seat as if he too felt the oppressive clouds bearing down on him as they drew nearer, I wouldn’t have even considered going.
The drive form Baltimore to Buda was unbearable. The landscape grew darker as we approached my Aunt’s house. Passing over the Hays county line, a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself.
“Whoa!” Daniel jerked forward in his seat, slapping his forehand on the window of my Xterra.
“We just passed the county line,” I warned him, glancing at a six car pile-up on the opposite road.
“Oh,” Daniel whispered slowly, rubbing his slightly bruised hand, “How much longer?”
“About ten minuets so get ready,” I took the exit leading through a maze of trees, fading the atmosphere to pitch black besides the faint glow from my headlights.
“This is her house?” Daniel stared in disbelief at the un-kept lawn.
“It’s farther back, you dummy,” I giggled faintly at his assumption. The last giggle I would probably have for an eternity, or at least a week. Suddenly in the blackness of the lawn, a single porch light flickered in the darkness. The silhouette of a petite figure leaped out of the screen door. Racing towards us was my Aunt Kathryn’s daughter, Helen. I always loved to see Helen, especially when she visited without Aunt Kathryn. It was usually her that kept me from a spiraling depression during visits. Her blonde curly hair bounced playfully in my face as she constricted me with her thin arms.
“Riley Anne! I’ve missed you so much! Come on! Come inside!” Helen pulled her baby blue night robe from the clutch of a dead rosebush inside the gate, “Here, Daniel, let me help you. Mother is asleep. Are you hungry? Or just tired? Come inside.” Helen, struggling, drug several of our bags inside of the narrow doorframe.
-not done w/ chapter
oops hehe didnt notice that. havnt delt much with these so i get them mixed up. thanks
It sounds interesting enough – though your beginning would be called a prologue, not a preface.
One suggestion I have is to leave out the "A monster. A Dreameater" line and go straight to "Mrs. Holcomb pulled an old video cassette from her jacket pocket and released Daniel, slowly trudging towards the TV."
It’s much more suspenseful, in my opinion. Don’t give away so much of your story in the very first paragraph.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
A preface is something the author says addressing the reader. You have written a prologue. I suggest also rewording things to be stronger without adverbs.
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November 29th, 2009 at 12:00 am
It’s interesting. Tjeahc ale oaiech amora aowe ahtech techeo ome!!!
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November 29th, 2009 at 12:37 am
That sounds interesting.
very creative
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November 29th, 2009 at 1:14 am
this is really good KEEP GOING! and get it published when your done its amazing!
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November 29th, 2009 at 1:49 am
ya i would… but i might get bored w/ it as i go on
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November 29th, 2009 at 2:36 am
It sounds interesting enough – though your beginning would be called a prologue, not a preface.
One suggestion I have is to leave out the "A monster. A Dreameater" line and go straight to "Mrs. Holcomb pulled an old video cassette from her jacket pocket and released Daniel, slowly trudging towards the TV."
It’s much more suspenseful, in my opinion. Don’t give away so much of your story in the very first paragraph.
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November 29th, 2009 at 3:01 am
I really like it! great describing everything! Are you going to publish??
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November 29th, 2009 at 3:44 am
I love it! It’s very intriguing! Good luck with the rest of your writing, and if you ever publish this, let me know!
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