Okay. This is my second account for Lauren C so don’t accuse me of stealing work.
Chapter 1 – Party
It rained the whole car ride to her Aunt Kathryn’s house. Everything about the cold, dark sky reminded me of my Aunt’s cold, dark glances. I didn’t know why I had been invited. Perhaps Aunt Kathryn needed to perfect her biting wit or had grown bored insulting the neighbors in muttered undertones behind a false smile and lukewarm tea. If not for Daniel, who slept restlessly in the passenger seat as if he too felt the oppressive clouds bearing down on him as they drew nearer, I wouldn’t have even considered going.
The drive form Baltimore to Buda was unbearable. The landscape grew darker as we approached my Aunt’s house. Passing over the Hays county line, a cold sensation trickled down my spine, as if I were pursuing death itself.
“Woah!” Daniel jerked forward in his seat, slapping his forehand on the window of my Xterra.
“We just passed the county line,” I warned him, glancing at a six car pile-up on the opposite road.
“Oh,” Daniel whispered slowly, rubbing his slightly bruised hand, “How much longer?”
“About ten minuets so get ready,” I took the exit leading through a maze of trees, fading the atmosphere to pitch black besides the faint glow from my headlights.
“This is her house?” Daniel stared in disbelief at the un-kept lawn.
“It’s farther back, you dummy,” I giggled faintly at his assumption. The last giggle I would probably have for an eternity, or at least a week. Suddenly in the blackness of the lawn, a single porch light flickered in the darkness and the silhouette of a petite figure leaped out of the screen door. Racing towards us was my Aunt Kathryn’s daughter, Helen. I always loved to see Helen, especially when she visited without Aunt Kathryn. It was usually her that kept me from a spiraling depression during visits. Her blonde curly hair bounced playfully in my face as she constricted me.
“Riley Anne! I’ve missed you so much! Come on! Come inside!” Helen pulled her baby blue night robe from the clutch of a rosebush inside the gate, “Here, Daniel, let me help you. Mother is asleep. Are you hungry? Or just tired? Come inside.” Helen carried several of our bags inside of the narrow doorframe.
Are there any changes that need to be made? How should i describe her house?
.its not the whole chapter, just what i had time to write
It’s really good!!! You should probably describe your characters like their looks, personalities, and ages but you can probably get to that later on in the chapter too. I like to write too so I like getting some feedback myself. You can describe the house but if you don’t want to or don’t have the time you don’t have to. Hope you continue it!!!
December 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
It’s really good!!! You should probably describe your characters like their looks, personalities, and ages but you can probably get to that later on in the chapter too. I like to write too so I like getting some feedback myself. You can describe the house but if you don’t want to or don’t have the time you don’t have to. Hope you continue it!!!
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